Well it’s another year. 2012. By now, any of us who do the New Year’s Resolution thing, have made and probably already broken, at least one or more of our New Years Resolutions. I have some questions about this New Year’s Resolution thing.

My first question is: Why do we do this to ourselves?

Our New Years Resolutions of any year seem to always become just one more thing that we beat ourselves up for, sometimes for the entire year running. Why do we even make NYR’s knowing we are going to end up not only breaking them but also beating ourselves up on top of it?

My second question up for general consideration is: Are there any other options out there somewhere to take the place of NYR’s?

I believe there are other options.So now for your consideration, I propose to you, Dear Reader:

THE WORDS TO THRIVE BY” NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS PREP KIT

The “Words to Thrive By” New Year’s Resolution Kit begins with how to look at both the previous year and the year to come with a new perspective. The ”Words to Thrive By” New Year’s Resolution Kit will hopefully help us each find some New Year’s Resolutions we can even achieve for once in our lives.

Here are 4 questions for you to ponder for your life as you begin this new year:

1. What went RIGHT last year?

Yes you heard me: What went right last year? Now make a list of all the things you did that were really pretty darn good last year. This list doesn’t have to be the things that you did that were “perfect” or even “reasonable.” Those two lists would probably be pretty darn short in length.

I’m talking simple things. Smiling at a stranger. Helping someone out in some small way. Just being nice, maybe when you didn’t even feel like it. Maybe you made a good decision last year that darn it all, you’re proud of it. Maybe it’s something you did well, like get to yoga class on time for a change. Maybe you paid off your bills or got on a payment plan finally, after wondering what that experience would be like all these years.

So what is it for you? Think large and small not perfect or reasonable. Now write them down at the top of a piece of paper.

2. What do you have to FORGIVE yourself for?

Now make a list of what you feel you need to forgive yourself for. These would be the things you may have  said or done deliberately or even accidentally that you still feel bad about. Serious “my bad” stuff. Guilt feelings, whether huge or tiny, is what we’re talking about here. Add them to your list.

3. What would you like to LET GO of from last year?

Then we have all the other stuff we did or said last year that we’re still feeling embarrassed about or otherwise kicking ourselves for. This is one of those: ‘OMG! I cannot believe that I did that! I will NEVER live that down! EVER!’ experiences.

The first thing I want to say about these kinds of horrific experiences, those “full stop” moments, moments that perhaps now frequent your nightly dreams, (or should I say nightmares?), is that you are not alone. We all have ‘em. Sometimes throughout the entire year. All the little persnickety things that nag at you all the time, sometimes once in a while, sometimes day and night, can really wear you down.

No more. Today is the day you are gonna let at least one of ‘em go from last year.  Whatever it was, it’s over now. Done. You cannot go back in time, only forward. (OK, quantum physics or “wormhole” experts might argue with me on that one but…) Time to give it up.

Go ahead. Put it, whatever it was, on your list. Say out loud, ”I’m finally ready to let go of my incredible, idiotic, stupid, bizarre whatever….” Trust me. You can do this.

4. What can you imagine yourself looking FORWARD to in the New Year to come?

I would like to believe that together, we as the “Words to Thrive By Community,” could make a very long list of answers to this question. But if you get stuck, here’s want to do:

Close your eyes for a moment and ask yourself:

“What can I imagine myself looking FORWARD to in the New Year to come?”

Now, don’t panic. Don’t open your eyes. Don’t give up.  Just let your mind wander until you feel pulled or motivated from a new idea or image or vision for yourself doing or feeling something that may come to mind that you might enjoy.

A new hobby? Maybe you’ve have always wanted to learn how to quilt but have been putting it off and putting it off. Can you imagine yourself sitting in front of a sewing machine, surrounded with bright colored fabrics all around you and hearing the “Hummmmmm…” of the sewing machine in action?

Can you imagine it and see it? It could be a new work design in your mind or the yarn of a knitting project or a kit for a motorized model airplane or trip you’ve always wanted to take?

Whatever comes to you, write it down on your list. Don’t be afraid to allow your mind to wander for a few minutes until something comes to you.

So now you have your own personal WORDS TO THRIVE BY RESOLUTION LIST FOR 2012. 

Surprised? Did I just hear you say, “Huh?”

I know it’s not a long list of all the habits you want to break, or the ways you promise you’ll change or the somethings will never happen again. But no. This is a very different kind of list.

It’s a list filled with your imagination of possibilities you could look forward to: 

Dreams. Hopes. Possibilities. Fun. Adventures. Joys. Play. Love. Delights. Inspirations. Creations. Foods. Projects. Conversations. Coffees. Competitions.  Naps. Weekly Sports highlights.

Yup. that’s definitely different for a New Year’s Resolutions List.

So as we enter The New Year 2012, I wish for each of you, my Dear Readers:

The awareness of what went right last year.

The letting go of guilt. 

The letting go of shame.

The looking forward to the you who you’ve always known down deep inside. That would be the you who believes anything is possible, embraces their dreams, follows their heart and doesn’t give up. No way. No how.

Happy New Year. 2012. 

With warmest regards,

Mary Anne Dorward

The Girl In THe Mirror - Original Painting by Derek Mueller - Reprinted by Permission - www.muellerstudios.com

One day, out of the blue, I received a phone call from an old classmate named Randy whom I had not spoken to since second grade. We got to catching up, and Randy told me this story:

“I sat behind you for all of second grade. And one day you drew this picture of a boy and a girl holding hands. Under the boy’s picture you wrote ‘Randy’ and under the girl’s picture you wrote, ‘Mary Anne.’ I remember that you turned around to show me your picture and you had such a happy, bright face. I’m embarrassed to admit that I proceeded to slaughter you. In my defense I was only a boy of, what, eight? Well, even that is not a very good defense, and I am really sorry I did that to you. But anyway, truth be told, I made fun of you. I told you your drawing was stupid. I teased you mercilessly at recess. You never said a word. But your face I will never forget as long as I live.

“When we came back from recess, you went to your desk, picked up the picture you had drawn of us. With your eyes locked on mine and with the saddest face I have ever seen in my life, you crumpled your drawing of us up into a tight little ball. Then you turned away from me, walked over to the other side of the room, and threw the ball of paperreally hard right into the trash can.

“Then you burst into tears. You walked back to your desk and refused to ever turn around to talk to me for the rest of the year. I have never forgotten it all these thirty-seven years. I was so stupid. I am so sorry.”

I had no recollection whatsoever of this event.

After telling Randy he didn’t need to worry about this incident from our past anymore, I hung up the phone. I began thinking about what a tremendous gift this story from second grade was. Randy showed me a glimpse of myself as a very young girl, a girl who was full of resilience and strength. The more I thought about it, I felt this younger me was a me I could really admire and be proud of.

This story showed me that, at one time in my life, I had such a sense of self-worth that I would not allow another person to treat me unkindly or unfairly. That drawing, which began as my way of reaching out to share and connect with a cute boy in my class, ended up crumpled in the wastebasket as my clear message of separation from harm. My anger at his ridicule had motivated me to make this strong choice to destroy my own art.

However, even if the action was strong, the story clearly shows that my bursting into tears was a vulnerable and healthy kind of rage. My therapist told me that as long as children are not desensitized to their own feelings by abuse, they instinctively take very strong and quick actions to defend and protect themselves.

After hanging up with Randy, I sat and wondered where that part of me had gone.

In my memory as an adult, so many of my stories were about the times when I allowed other people to override my own instincts or intuition, to “walk all over me.” It seemed that mostly I could remember only the times I had been silent or not fought back when I should have. I had learned very well how to swallow my rage, my pride, my opinions and my strength. It’s no wonder I had become so angry.

With the help of very good therapists and loving friends, I have worked myself through much of my self-destructive behavior. It has been a process of learning to love who I really am, stripping away the layers upon layers of untruths that others have told me, negative things that I had believed about myself for decades as if they were facts.

I am not a “bad and ungrateful child.” I am not “stupid.” I am not “crazy.” And I sure as heck don’t have “thunder thighs!”

Today, the story of myself as a young girl, full of love, openness, and righteous indignation feels so much more familiar to me. She is more “me” than the angry, uncertain person I had allowed myself to become. After years of sorting through my life, I have finally come full circle to who I really am: the resilient, fiery, spirited, and also thoughtful girl who I was to begin with.

Resilience is not just the ability to bounce back from anything. Resilience is, in any circumstance, the ability to be vulnerable enough to feel in the first place. It is the ability to recognize that your safety and well-being come first. And if you ever feel something is not right, or uncomfortable or dangerous, then being resilient means that you have the courage and strength to immediately remove yourself from that situation, person, or location.

There are no exceptions to this rule.

None of us ever have to take care of others at our own expense. Resilience is the ability to take action on one’s own behalf, even if it is hard, makes waves or is out of sync with another person. Resilience is a deep awareness of what we each need to do for ourselves to protect ourselves.

I know now that sassy, strong, tender me was never really gone. She just became a little lost.

After all these years, I have made the journey home back to myself, like following the bread crumbs back to the cottage after spending so much of my life being lost in the woods. To get back to our true wholeness, we need both our vulnerability and our resilience in equal measure. This is a journey that we all must undertake eventually, even if we wait until the moment of death. It’s never too late. But, why wait?

From Me To You…

What part of the resilient, strong, and amazing you have you lost touch with?

The above blog is an excerpt from my new book out on Amazon called “Words to Thrive By: Powerful Stories of Courage and Hope.”

Here is the link to buy the book:

http://www.amazon.com/Words-Thrive-Powerful-Stories-Courage/dp/146645041X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1324024136&sr=1-1

I’m a five time cancer survivor.

When I first heard The Big C Word, “CANCER ,” my very first thought was DEATH. If the moment I heard, “I’m so sorry. You have cancer,”  had been written out as an irrefutable mathematical equation, it would have been C =D or “Cancer equals Death.”

However, now I’m thinking that cancer is one of the best things to ever happen to me. Why?

Now I’m Listening.

Well, honestly, I wasn’t really listening to my body or my heart, both of which were screaming for my attention and love. Now I’m listening.

Cancer = Communication.

Cancer has also given me the permission I needed to communicate in ways I never would have before, both with myself and with others. In fact, cancer has completely transformed my life.

So for me, the C = D equation has changed to  C = C: Cancer = Communication.

Here are just three examples of how cancer has provided an incredible opportunity for communication and also has completely transformed my life:

1) Listen to Yourself

I’m finally listening to my body, and I no longer allow toxic people, food, ideas, or belief systems into my life.

2) Explore Your Many Options

Over the past three years, I’ve researched and learned everything I could about cancer and what causes it. As a result, in my treatment choices, I’ve done my best to combine not only the best of both the Western and Eastern medicine traditions, but also the best of the naturopathic medicine and even explored the raw-food movement, as well.

Now is the Best Time in the History Of The World to Have Cancer

What I know now for sure is that if you have to have cancer, now is the best time in the history of the world to have it! Not only has the technology improved dramatically, there are also so many wonderful treatment options now that we all have to choose from!

And I know from my own experience, with God’s grace we are each more than capable of completely healing ourselves!

3) Best of All is Your Journey of Healing From within.

I have a new relationship of Love, Compassion, Kindness, and Joy within myself that was never there before. I am now truly a Joy Ambassador everywhere I go. So, how in the world does a person become a Joy Ambassador for cancer?

In Joy We Abide

Well, every day I say to myself, over and over and over again:

“There is only one life. That life is God’s life. That life is perfect. That life is my life now. I am a Joy Ambassador and choose to learn all my lessons through Joy. From Joy, I was born. In Joy, I abide, and to Joy, I shall return.”

I take this inner Joy everywhere I go now.  Each day, I try to embrace everyone and everything I encounter with this same Joy. And it’s a funny thing. Everywhere I go, people innately respond to this Joy with an appreciative smile, a word of thanks or perhaps even a tear of gratitude for a moment to talk with someone who truly “Understands” what they have been going through.

Listen to Your Own Wisdom

“I” am not “my cancer.” I am a spiritual being who has had several physical experiences of cancer.

I’m so convinced that God is so totally in charge of my life, I have now completely released my fear of death.

I’m listening to myself and my own wisdom for the first time in my life, instead of listening to a hundred other people ahead of my own gut instinct. And now as a result, finally, after all these years, I totally trust myself.

Live in Gratitude

I live in peace and joy.
I am grateful.
And God is the Wholeness I am.

Get Support

If you are a cancer survivor, I know we can all benefit from your experience. What is the best piece of advice or support you were given during the time you had cancer?

This might seem like a grim topic for around The Holidays, but truth be told, many people are suffering right now and trying really hard not to show it. I think one of the reasons that the Christmas Holidays are always tough for me is that my mother died on December 23, 1992.  When I spoke with my mother in the hospital a few hours before she died, before she slipped away into a morphine haze to help manage her terrible bone cancer pain, my Mom was quite lucid for an intense, short period.

She asked me for forgiveness and told me how sorry she was for some of the things she had done to me and not done for me over the years. She wanted to be sure that I knew how important I had been to her. She also said one of her greatest regrets was that her grandchildren would never really know her. My two children were 3 years old and nine months old at the time. I reassured her that her grandchildren, my children, would know her through me and the stories I would tell them about her. Over and over, sprinkled though our conversation, my mother told me that she loved me. “I love you Mary Anne” seemed the most important thing of all that she wanted to communicate to me in those final moments we had together.

Today, a friend sent me this article below and I thought it captured perfectly my experience speaking with my mother right before she died. If any of you, my readers, are struggling with a dying family member right now, especially during the holidays, I hope this blog and article will be of support and comfort to you. I wish I had it those many years ago. I hope to live my life differently now that I have read it. Thank you very much T Kelly.

Top Five Regrets of The Dying

This was published on December 1, 2011 By T Kelly and here is the direct link to article: Source: http://www.activistpost.com/2011/11/top-5-regrets-of-dying.html

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late.

Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Source: http://www.activistpost.com/2011/11/top-5-regrets-of-dying.html

1. Mary Anne Dorward, The Joy Ambassador for Cancer, is a five-time cancer survivor and will inspire you.

2. Mary Anne Dorward can make public speaking fun and painless.

3. Mary Anne Dorward has been on Broadway, National TV and Radio and can tell lots of crazy stories about famous people you know.

4. Mary Anne Dorward is the Chief Communications Strategist for MEBA, the most

powerful union in the world and can give you a behind-the-scenes look at unions.

5. Mary Anne Dorward can help you tame those negative and unruly voices in your head when you speak.

6. Mary Anne Dorward can teach you how to make a truly effective Power Point presentation, so no one ever takes a power-nap during one of yours again.

7. Mary Anne Dorward wrote the book called Words To Thrive By and would love to tell you all about it!

8. Mary Anne Dorward will tell you lots of funny stories and make you laugh in delight.

9. Mary Anne Dorward has worked all over the world as a political consultant and

has helped lots of very interesting people get elected, from Governor to President to Prime Minister.

10. Mary Anne Dorward is a joy to be around and easy to work with.

myrealvoice.com

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Beannacht ~ (Blessing)

On the day when

the weight deadens

on your shoulders

and you stumble,

may the clay dance

to balance you.

And when your eyes

freeze behind

the gray window

and the ghost of loss

gets into you,

may a flock of colors

indigo, red, green

and azure blue

come to awaken in you

a meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays

in the curach of thought

and a stain of ocean

blackens beneath you,

may there come across the waters

a path of yellow moonlight

to bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,

may the clarity of the light be yours,

may the fluency of the ocean be yours,

may the protection of the ancestors be yours.

And so may a slow

wind work these words

of love around you,

an invisible cloak

to mind your life.

— John O’Donohue, from his book,

Anam Cara, (“Soul Friend” in Gaelic)

Finding inspiration can be the labor of a lifetime, or it can happen in an instant. Inspiration is an extraordinary feeling, whether it comes from a book that changes our perspective, from a person who lifts our spirits, or from simply being out in nature. The impact of a sudden inspiration can change your entire day.

Whenever someone talks and hits the nail right on the head about a particular subject, a parts of my head and heart feel like they explode simultaneously. Positive inspiration brings me great joy.

But when the bottom falls out and I’m personally lacking in inspiration, or I feel that my spirits are flagging, I turn to my bookshelf. Sometimes a particular book catches my eye, and I pay close attention to which section or shelf I feel drawn to. This is also true in bookstores, as well. At times, books have seemed to jump off the table or shelf in Barnes and Noble or at the East West Bookstore here in Seattle.

Sometimes I even create an inspiration field trip of several hours, where I go to the bookstore and wander around until I feel drawn to a particular book or section of the bookstore. There I wait to see which book “speaks” to me. I pick that book up and open it to discover what surprises of inspiration lay in store for me. I have always found these inspirational field trips fun and fascinating. I absolutely love that special pull towards a new book. Reading for an hour or so is just a delight and a welcome break in my work day. Some days, it feels like an inspirational spiritual class has been designed especially for me!

Where do you find inspiration in your daily life? A book? A place? A person? An activity? A slice of delicious cake perhaps?

It is said by the masters that even a little poison can cause death, and even a tiny seed can become a huge tree.

And as Buddha said: “Do not overlook negative actions merely because they are small; however small a spark may be, it can burn down a haystack as big as a mountain.”

Similarly he said: “Do not overlook tiny good actions, thinking they are of no benefit even tiny drops of water in the end will fill a huge vessel.”

I wondered in this hectic time of The Holidays if a blog on PEACE would be helpful for my readers. I would also be really interested in your point of view on the subject of PEACE as well, so feel free to comment.

The concept of peace has been debated, fought over and meditated on all around the world for centuries. In fact, if you were to ask me right now what I most longed for, I would answer without hesitation: peace. I would suspect that my relentless pursuit of perfection has something to do with why I don’t feel peaceful a lot of the time. But I really think there is much more to a lack of peace than just a self-sabotaging pursuit of perfection. So why is peace so difficult for most of us to achieve, on a moment-to-moment basis?

Our world has become increasingly complex. Information in the world now is doubling, estimated right now at the rate of doubling every two to three years years. And it is speeding up. Estimates now place that rate of information doubling soon to be every one year. Just the fact that all this information is at our fingertips, through our computers and phones at any time, day or night, and our access is only limited to how fast we can type, it’s no wonder we are stressed out.

In a political sense, peace is complex. The American rock guitarist, composer and singer Jimi Hendrix said, “When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.” The Indian philosopher Mahatma Ghandi, well-known and respected for his doctrine of non-violent protest suggested, “Each one has to find peace from within. And peace, to be real, must be unaffected by outside circumstances.” Sometimes I find it hard to love and at times, outside circumstances really get to me. Then my peace within is totally shot.

So where is peace hidden in all of this chaos and politics?

One of my favorite poets, Rumi, described peace in this way, “Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” Many times I have wished that the people of this world could just figure out how to meet in that field Rumi speaks of. Perhaps if we did, together we could all find peace and just get along. In the meantime, I’m working on trying to find that non-violent, peaceful field, right here in my own mind and heart.

Where do you find peace in your life?