My First Blog Post and The Voices In My Head

This is my very first blog post. I must say, even with all my professional experience in writing and coaching media and speeches for high level political campaigns, corporations and non profit leaders, writing this first blog post feels totally daunting to me. I’m observing the same kind of cold sweat, butterflies in my stomach and general discomfort that I observe in my clients when they come to me for help on giving a speech.
As I sit here trying to think of something to write about, out come the hostile army of voices going off in my head. With swords of judgment held high, these voices rush in and scream with a vengeance” Don’t screw this up! You’re gonna fail at this blogging thing! It’s a waste of your time! You’ll never make money on this! Give it up now and go back to being under the radar where you belong!”
As I did deeper, I am reminded about what many clients say to me on their first day or working with me: “Just wanted to let you know that I am a terrible speaker and never ever in the history of the world will I ever be able to give a speech. Is that clear? ” Or “I’m only here because the group of us have to give a presentation, no one wanted to do it and I drew the short straw!”
I recognize that fear and self-criticism, only now it’s me and blogging, not my clients giving a speech. I hear my own fear loud and clear, ” You have to get up there in front of people and say what you really think and that’s dangerous! They will judge and criticize you! Danger! Danger Will Robinson!” Well, I always advise my clients to stop and listen to those little nasty weasel voices in their head and invite them in for a conversation, so I figure I better practice what I preach.
So now, I ask myself to embrace these voices that are doing their best to save me from what they believe to be my certain imminent humiliation. I remind myself that the voices in my head are trying their best to protect me and help keep me safe. I explain to them that in fact ” I need all your valuable energy in my gas tank helping me with writing this blogging thing, not standing out in front of my car screaming, “Get OUT while you still can!”
I ask the voices in my head what they need. They respond like a terrified child, “We need you to protect us! We need you not to embarrass yourself in public! We need you to not say something really STUPID. We need you NOT to FAIL!” I sit back in my chair and observe a lifetime of perfectionism staring me in the face. I realize I am now listening to it screaming in my ear, “This first blog post has to be absolutely PERFECT before you can let it out the door! And it will never be perfect so just forget it! Just DON’T DO IT AT ALL!”
This noise in my head seems to be getting louder and louder the closer I get to actually writing the blog post. There it is again, that old fear of failure thing. This fear is true even though I know I am an expert in my field and that I perform consistently at increasingly breathtaking levels over decades of experience. So I now try to do what I help my clients do: I try to reassure the voices in my head. “I hear you are terrified of our failing at this blogging thing. I hear that you are worried because this is something we’ve never tried before. I hear that you would rather I go right now and eat a quart of Haagen Daz or jump off a bridge instead of writing this blog. But, how about we look at the facts of what has actually happened to us when we have tried something new in the past shall we?”
My voice takes on an increasingly calming tone as I try to reassure the voices in my head that we are not going to die from writing a blog post. “Let’s take a deep breath and look at the facts for just one second here. Every other challenge we have ever encountered together over the years, we have broken down in to smaller more manageable steps. Whether it is tennis, biking or playing the piano, bit by bit we have always eventually learned how to hit the ball, climb the hill or play the notes. Somehow, each time, we have risen to the challenge in front of us, one step at a time, and eventually mastered it. If we wanted to, we could even eat an elephant one bite at a time. It must be the same with blogging. Am I right?”
I stop for a moment and I notice that the shallow breathing and clenched jaw and sweaty palms are gradually getting less and less. It’s also the same progression I have observed in my clients when we work with the voices inside their heads. I’m encouraged. So I carefully press on.
I say gently to the voices, “How about we just give this blogging thing a try and see how it goes? If it doesn’t work out, we can always delete the entire blog section from my website and we can go back to helping Presidents and Prime Ministers win their elections, clients give their speeches and presentations and corporations get their contracts. I promise I will do my best to protect both us and our financial future. Whaddaya say?”
Instantly I feel a wave of relief. The terror has given way to curious anticipation and the voices ask suddenly, “So what’s our first blog post going to be about?” I laugh. “Well I think the first one is already done. We just wrote it!” “We did? You mean that was IT? Well that wasn’t so bad after all.”
I thank the voices for their support and ask them what would they like as a treat to celebrate their helping me write my first ever blog post. “A bike ride! Let’s do some big long hills!” they yell with glee. I smile. Looks like tonight, I’ll have lots of time on my bike to think of what I’m going to talk about in blog post number two.